Self-acceptance
We have now progressed in awareness and expanded the practice of mindfulness into almost every aspect of our lives. The purpose of this long-term pursuit is to first improve our relationship with ourselves and then have an impact on both our immediate and broader circles.
The inner critic
We are often very harsh on ourselves. We pressure ourselves, have demands, and become perfectionists. Balance is the key here, as well as what truly lies beneath. For example, if behind the voice of the inner critic there are insecurities, fears, and unresolved traumas. Or if the voice of the inner critic is not our own but that of an adult (parent/guardian/teacher) who imposed on us and taught us that “this is how it should be.”
In substantial adulthood, we have faced and confronted this voice many times. It has hurt us, it has troubled us, we have argued with it… It is the first voice we hear when something doesn’t go as we initially planned, or if the outcome is different from our expectations.
How does this voice become another tool rather than an obstacle?
Recognizing the use of the inner critic
Recognizing and releasing oppression and choosing the ways that suit us here and now. For example, if in life we choose to take lessons in a difficult way, we can change it to something more beneficial for us. Without oppression, without pain, without guilt. We have the right to rewrite our story as many times as we want.
When the voice of the inner critic is so intense, it finds everything wrong. It distances us from the voice of self-acceptance.
Cultivating the voice of self-acceptance
The voice of self-acceptance has the voice of a good friend who accepts us for exactly who we are without requiring us to change anything.
This voice guides us to become observers of our emotions and thoughts. The way it does it is with calmness, gentleness, with the disposition of exploration.
The voice of self-acceptance knows and embraces our wounds. It allows us not to be “perfect.” It allows us to come into contact with our shadows.
The voice of self-acceptance equally wants to guide us on the path of self-improvement, only it does so differently. By providing us with the space we need to experience and clarify our needs and priorities.
Pay attention to self-acceptance and internal connection. It is not confused with relaxation and the trap of the comfort zone.
How can I achieve such a thing?
We can use the power of visualization.
Clarify the internal behaviors and internal dialogues that are critical, violent, derogatory, and generally have a sense of attack.
Identify whose voice this is.
What would you say to this voice, which diminishes and oppresses you, if you were your best friend?
What would you say to your best friend to stand up for themselves, their strength, to defend themselves?
With this strong internal practice, we move away from the egotistical “this is who I am and whoever likes it”. On the contrary, we return to constant self-observation and self-improvement, we give our personal promise. We give space and time to evolve into the person we want to be, accept the best behavior, reduce abusive behaviors from the external environment and vice versa, and also stop ourselves from becoming toxic and abusive in familiar patterns.
We understand the survival mechanism. We take back our power, the value of our word, the responsibility of our actions and deeds. This is exactly why the result is to be mindful. We cultivate transparency, break dysfunctional patterns, change our beliefs, and see in the world what is reflected through us.
The next steps
After we have explored this initial process, it is important to see how much deeper we want to delve.
Self-compassion exercises. Dr. Kristin Neff has spoken extensively about self-compassion. These exercises involve treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding one would show to a close friend facing difficulties.
Setting boundaries. We discover our healthy internal boundaries. When the inner critic is overly harsh or unrealistic, we set boundaries for ourselves. We allow ourselves to take breaks when needed, say no to unrealistic demands, and prioritize self-care.
Seeking a professional on the path of self-improvement. Some examples include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Theta Healing, Gestalt therapy, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), breathwork…
Practice of the week!
This week, we will use the mindfulness technique of observation.
- Set up your space to offer you tranquility and relaxation. You can have dim lighting, candles, calm relaxing music, maybe even some essential oil.
- Find a comfortable position, sitting with support on your back to keep your spine straight/neutral. If you are more advanced, you can sit in the lotus position. If you choose the lying position, it is more likely that you will fall asleep, which is perfectly okay.
- Bring your attention to your breath. You can place your hands, one on your chest and the other on your stomach. Allow yourself to relax. As you relax, your breathing becomes slower, deeper.
- If thoughts arise, simply let them pass. Let your mind bring whatever it wants, but you don't analyze any thought. Let the thoughts pass and you stay in the position of the observer. You can imagine the thoughts as clouds passing in the sky, you can imagine that these thoughts are traveling. Just allow yourself to let the thoughts appear without analyzing them. Each time this seems difficult, you can return your attention to your breath.
- Continuously, we want to be aware of our breath. And as you breathe and now you have calmed down, start observing all parts of your body. Starting from the soles of your feet, scan your body as slowly as you wish. Progressively observe the calves, knees, thighs, the entire leg up to the hips. Continue with the pelvic area. The back torso, front, the spine... observe as many details as you can and if you notice any tension allow it to soften. If it persists, observe it.
- Continue the same process until you reach the top of the head. Keep observing your breath and the calmness of your body.
When you feel you have completed the process, bring your awareness back to the room. Notice any changes in your mood.
Take your time and note any realizations that may arise from these moments of self-observation and quietness.
Whatever is written represents the sharing of personal thoughts and observations. Its purpose is to share and potentially provoke thought. It is not a diagnosis, nor a reference to illnesses, syndromes, dysfunctions, or disorders.
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