Mourning is one of the taboo subjects even in our times.
We are surrounded by a toxic positivity that flirts with the limits of the fake, the imaginary, and almost automatically marginalizes anyone who expresses a more intense emotional state. The impression is wrongly promoted that those who deal with the most “spiritual”, as they are called, have only positive thoughts and that they sit in an imaginary bubble and are not touched by any of the feelings of sadness, sorrow, anxiety, anger, etc. misconceptions and prejudices about heavy emotions, even marginalization when one expresses them, which we have sometimes seen promoted in the “spiritual world”. At a time when we are called more than ever to express ourselves, to come in contact with emotion and consequently to accept ourselves and the other person for what they are at that moment, we encounter someone who expresses themselves as something unreal. Of course, the more we honestly dive into the world of our emotions, the more we know the benefits and in time we learn to transform them. Some people can instinctively transform pain, sadness, anger into something beautiful, like a song.
In our time we have seen repeatedly the problems created by the non-expression of emotions, by the non-denaturation, and how most of the time what is not expressed in words and deeds is embodied. For example. if a person carries on their shoulders burdens that do not concern them or are not unhooked from the past, it is very likely that the person will experience cervical syndrome.
One of the pieces in the journey of self-knowledge is to recognize emotions, to experience them, to express them and to learn through them.
Through the evolutionary process of mourning, we understand better and deeper the rules of nature. We redefine our values, even the route of our lives, we remind ourselves that we are not forever in our physical form as we perceive ourselves now, with this image and this body. We set our balances of what really makes sense and what we want to fight for or not in our lives, on a much deeper level. And we understand that death is the same as life. And death is part of life. Some people perceive it as a journey, and you go through different levels until you evolve, some people realize that you are going where you are before you are born. No matter how anyone realizes death, we are forms of energy, and what is true in our world is that energy is not lost or created out of nowhere. It just changes form.
Some philosophies state that in the cell there is the memory of the immortal, we know what it is like to live forever.
That is why we get so saddened by the loss, and that is why humanity has been imagining for so many centuries the endless life and endless youth. From what we know now, at least what we can take care of is food and exercise which are the first to determine the most important, in my opinion, which is the quality of life. I am not referring to accidents and health problems, but to the general perception of a human life that has its basic natural course from birth to old age. Whatever we can do to prevent disease and maintain health, apply it consciously and with awareness.
Death repositions us in relation to greed, to ungratefulness, and of course to the opposite, gratitude and sharing.
It reminds us every second that we only have the here and now. It transcends the sense of “forever” and becomes the most important, “for now”. Only today we have, and the biggest challenge in this society with these conditions and all these difficulties is to learn to love. First ourselves.
In observation and the natural cycle, billions of organisms and microorganisms die every day.
From a cell, a leaf, an insect, an animal, a human. The grief and pain of loss is not just a human asset. Some animals show it in a way that is similar to ours, such as monkeys, dolphins, dogs, and even cats. And I refer to them because we feel these creatures closer to us and that we have a greater correlation with them. What is heavier on the scales of souls? In the vastness of our universe, for example, what is the significance of a life that goes away? How upset are the balances? Who defines importance?
Many people when encountered the loss of a loved one got to the point where they do not allow themselves to move on, to feel other emotions.
They feel the obligation that the only emotions that are allowed are sadness, grief, anger. Everyone needs their time to move on but as long as we remain stuck in the heaviest emotions, we make it difficult for the soul to follow its path and journey. We have great traction and we keep them trapped unnecessarily. A loved one will always want those who were close to them and the people they loved while they were alive to move on, to live their lives, to feel joy and love. Inevitably we will go through the difficulties, through the darkness to find the light, because in this way we evolve and learn. The lightest emotions in the early stages of mourning seem unthinkable, even a science fiction scenario. But if we release ourselves from the obligation and forgive ourselves first, we can heal the wound and communicate more deeply, internally, and learn to live with it faster.
Be careful because the pain can become terribly addictive. We turn our love for the lost person into pain and the expression of this pain becomes wrongly identical with our love for them. This only makes our life difficult, the hypothetical scenarios, the hypothetical discussions, the wishes to meet the lost person again even for a moment… Over time you learn to live with them, they never leave completely. It is important to be able to recognize when you can alone and when you need help from a specialist, in whatever suits you, psychotherapists, psychoanalysts, psychologists, and all the specialties that exist to help the person overcome the shock and the emotional stress, to rearrange their thoughts. Most of the time, it is necessary.
Many times we have been taught to hide and suppress our emotions, but this is only destructive.
To show our strong face, while inside we collapse. Or to show "I can bare it" the moment we want someone to support us. Emotions are more likely to be suppressed and to come out later in difficult situations, with obvious problems in the body, these are now known as psychosomatic. These lead the body to an endless state of stress, which upsets the balance of all systems. Good stress management, and hiding under the rug is not enough.
In any case, all emotions are human, we are called to learn them, to recognize them, to experience them and to observe them. All of them in balance. In TCM every emotion corresponds to an organ, and the exaggeration of any emotion creates pathology in the organ itself. Once again, balance is the keyword.
No one returns to the previous state and perception of their life as it was before the loss. Through this, we change a lot, and we change forever. We are responsible for what we do with this change and how we make the most of it.
We honor our loved people by talking about them, sharing things they may have taught us or told us.